It has been a while since I have written a blog, but I knew that I needed to sit down and write today. Sometimes things just hit you, and today was one of those days.
It has been 21 months since my dad passed away on April 17, 2013. The two posts that I wrote after his death were pretty raw. I was broken and as I wrote, I let every emotion I was feeling flow out of me as I typed. I thought maybe the writing would help me heal, but although it gave me a momentary peace, I still couldn't seem to come to terms with the fact that my dad was no longer here. I would listen to all of the people tell me about the loved ones that they have lost, and I would listen to them, but deep inside, I just felt more sorry for myself. I was angry that God took him from me and nothing seemed to be helping at all.
A few months ago, Father Mike, the priest at my school, was giving a homily at Mass and I remember Him saying that Jesus couldn't heal everyone because He wasn't sent for that reason. He said a lot more than that, but I remember immediately getting angry and not really listening anymore, because all I could think about was how my dad wasn't lucky enough to be healed of his cancer, but he deserved to be healed. I remember thinking about others who were healed and thinking that it just wasn't fair. Father Mike continued his homily, but my thoughts had gone elsewhere so I just sat there, during the rest of his homily, with tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart.
Fast forward to today. Every Friday in my classroom, we read the upcoming gospel for Sunday's Mass and we discuss it together as a class. This Sunday, the gospel is Mark 1:29-39. As I met with my first class of the day, my 6th graders, we read the gospel together and we began discussing how Jesus healed Simon's mother in-law as well as many gathered in need of healing.
Simon’s mother-in-law lay sick with a fever.
They immediately told him about her.
He approached, grasped her hand, and helped her up.
Then the fever left her and she waited on them.
When it was evening, after sunset,
they brought to him all who were ill or possessed by demons.
The whole town was gathered at the door.
He cured many who were sick with various diseases,
and he drove out many demons,
not permitting them to speak because they knew him.
We talked about how powerful Jesus was that He could heal just by touching someone and how merciful He was to offer His healing to so many gathered. We continued to read on about the next day when Simon and the others came to see Jesus in the morning.
Simon and those who were with him pursued him
and on finding him said, “Everyone is looking for you.”
He told them, “Let us go on to the nearby villages
that I may preach there also.
For this purpose have I come.”
Everyone was still looking for Jesus, because they wanted to be healed, yet he said that they needed to move on. I asked the class why Jesus would have done that. Why would the loving and compassionate Jesus that we know, leave people that needed His healing so desperately? That is when it happened. Timmy raised his hand and said, " Well, Mrs. D., healing people isn't the main reason why Jesus was sent to us. It was to go out and preach to others about the Kingdom of Heaven and about God. Since it isn't His main purpose, some people just aren't going to be healed. He had to move on." Wow. It was at that moment that my eyes were opened. I immediately could hear Father Mike saying the same thing at Mass, when I was too stubborn to pay attention. This was the same reading from that day a few months earlier, but God used my sweet, precious Timmy, to get His message across. I finished the lesson with tears in my eyes, but a healing in my heart.
You see, as much as I wanted God to heal my dad, that wasn't the reason why Jesus Christ became man. He was sent here to teach us about His father. Along the way, many will come to Him and many will receive the gift of His healing and what a precious gift it will be, but not all will be able to be healed, for He did not come for that purpose. It doesn't mean that God loved my dad any less or that God is unfair, it means that God came for the sole purpose to introduce us to His Father, so that in knowing Him, we can know His father and one day be healed too.
Today, I received the gift of healing. Will I still grieve the loss of my father? Of course. I will forever grieve His passing, but, today, I began to have some peace, and some understanding as to why my father wasn't healed. Thank you, Father Mike and thank you, Timmy. God used the both of you to open my eyes and I am so very thankful.
